Nowhere Stars

Our Callings 8-2

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?” Mide asks.

There’s a throwback.” Mide smiles a bit wistfully. “I’d like to take you up on that. I don’t to throw you back into the tiger’s den. But you did ask me to give you a push if you needed it. So okay?”

Mide nods once and squeezes Shona’s hand. “Alright. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be waiting on the road until you give me the go-ahead to leave.”

Shona takes a deep breath — ooh, it whistles electronically even on the way down, that’s kinda fun — strides up her driveway, and unlocks the door.

“Benen? You’re back a little early,” Mom’s voice calls.

Shona grits her teeth, holding back a shudder at the sound, then slams the door behind her.

“Oh, now slamming the door too? Hasn’t the poor thing suffered enough?” Deeper inside, there’s the rustle of a magazine being hastily put away, then footsteps from the den tapping her way. As Mom steps into the front hall, Shona smiles and waves. Mide said it would probably be best if people saw her before they heard her.

“Oh, finally! There you are!” Mom races down the hall, throwing herself into an embrace that makes Shona’s entire body seize up. She closes her eyes and focuses on the familiar scent of that amber resin perfume Mom loves. It’s… not a smell, or at least not one that makes her think of nice things, but nothing at all like the Harbinger’s rotten-trash stink. Her mask couldn’t hide that part.

“I didn’t know you’d… be back so soon. How are you doing? All better now, I hope?” She takes a half-step back, resting her hands on Shona’s shoulders. “And why didn’t you answer my calls? Mrs. Lachlan kept me updated, yes, but if you were under the weather, it’s my job to… well, do momly things! Worry about you, make you soup, all of that! And if I’d known you’d be back, I would’ve gotten dinner ready!”

huh. Yep. That’s exactly what it was.

Shona says, keeping her voice as low as she can.

Mom gasps and jerks back as if struck. Her eyes glisten like glass as they go wide with… Shona can’t tell with what. Fear? Disgust?

she asks through a bitter smile.

“Oh, sweetie, no, no…” Mom takes a few seconds to collect herself, then wraps her arms around Shona, squeezing a lot tighter this time. “I’m sorry. You could’ve told me. I know things like this are going to happen sometimes.” She buries her face in Shona’s shoulder, wiping tears on her sleeve and stifling the pain in her voice. “So please don’t worry about making me worry, alright? All I want is to be there for you however I can. I’m only sorry I can’t have your back the way I used to.”

Shona bites her lip at that last part, but nods and returns the hug, patting her mom’s back.

Mom looks up and grins through her tears. “Then keep me in the loop next time! The least you can do is let me fret over you!”

Shona warbles.

“Anyway! Go ahead and get comfy! Do you need anything? I’d just bought some of those frozen fruit bars you like before your, mm, accident. They should still be good, if Dad didn’t eat them all while you were away…” Mom hurries off into the kitchen in search of snacks to throw at her.

Shona can’t help but smile a little.

For a while, a few years ago, Shona had been close with Ailsa, the girl who played Camellia’s best friend. They didn’t have a ton in common, at first, but what they did have obviously ate up a pretty big chunk of their lives.

Ailsa was always twiggy and tiny for her age. When Shona panicked over her first signs of puberty, what it would mean for the only life she knew, if anyone would ever like her again, Ailsa… taught her all the tricks her mom had showed her to hold back time.

Mom was one of the first people to notice. She’d insisted on getting Shona help, made every effort to make sure she was eating right, and did everything short of start a public feud with Ailsa’s mother — she still didn’t want to torch the show, after all. At the time, Shona’d hated Mom for it the way she hated Mom managing anything about her life, but it was the right thing to do. If she hadn’t seen that then, she did by the time Ailsa quit acting and went into treatment, speeding the show along into its downward spiral.

As a Keeper, Shona pretty much didn’t have to worry about nourishment or nutrition as long as she ate enough to live. Immortal bodies running more on magic than anything else apparently took care of that for you, so if she’d still had that problem, she wouldn’t anymore. But Mom never quite kicked her habits from those days, when she’d taken every opportunity to find or cook things Shona was willing to eat.

Her phone buzzes. There’s a message from Mide, reading simply:

Shona shoots back. Mom is This could’ve gone a whole lot worse. Nowadays, the food thing is even kind of nice. And it’s really, not her fault that Liadain’s disgusting monster stalker stole her face.

Even if it her fault that she gave Seryana so much to say. So many old wounds to stick her grimy fingers into.

But not wounds, no matter how noisily some extra gross Harbinger screams about them. They’re all just shit that happened years ago. They have nothing to do with her new life. No one can tell her what to do, and she has literally forever for everyone to forget she used to be in a trashy bullshit kid’s show. This is fine. It’ll be fine.

“Well, he did eat a lot of them. Not the lemon ones, though. That okay?” Mom asks, smiling over her shoulder.

The lemon bars have always been her favorite.

“So,” Mom asks while Shona munches away on her glorified popsicle. “What’ve you been up to? Keeping busy, it sounds like.”

“Anything you’d like to talk about?”

Shona fidgets with a piece of lemon ice on her tongue while she sorts through her thoughts, throwing all the ones she very much would not like to talk about into a dusty corner. Finally, she swallows and forces a casual smile.

she offers in the same way she used to talk about girls like Ailsa.

“Oh,” Mom says, straight-faced. There’s an odd pause before she continues: “Oh, that’s great! Anyone I would know?”

Shona shrugs.

“Hm. Well, I’m sure I’ll have a chance to meet her sooner or later. You always were great at bringing people out of their shells,” Mom says, nodding a little too earnestly.

Shona snorts.

“How’d you find this mystery girl, then?”

was the first phrasing to come to mind, but it wouldn’t help either of them to get Mom thinking about how dangerous life as a Keeper could actually be. Or how Shona fired that bullet herself.

“I see,” Mom nods. “I see. So, about that. Stop me if I’m pestering. You don’t need to tell me everything about how you got hurt if you don’t want to. But have you been to… you know they have doctors for children in your situation, right?”

Shona tilts her head, stuffing her remaining half-popsicle into her cheek.

“Well, I just thought it might be nice to get a professional’s idea about recovery, wouldn’t it? Maybe they’ll know about how long it should take for you to get better.”

Shona can’t help it. She bursts into a fit of distorted laughter.

Mom says, scowling.

“I and I really don’t see what’s so funny!”

Shona cackles.

“How am I supposed to talk about it when you haven’t told me anything? You’re clearly still hurt, aren’t you? Did one of those monsters do this to you? I can’t protect you from everything anymore, I know that, but I still need to make sure you’re staying healthy! Whatever that means now!”

Shona says, the sound coming out as a low whistle.

Mom glances down, wringing her hands. “Oh.”

“I…” Mom purses her lips very pointedly.

Shona adds, the best peace offering she can think of in a hurry.

“I’m… are you saying you… did this

Shona fidgets with her popsicle stick between her fingers, holding back the urge to snap it or burn it to dust or do anything but stand here and drown in the shame on Mom’s face.

Mom smiles beneath wet eyes and reaches out to run a hand along Shona’s arm, gently. It feels like a hot iron pressed into her skin.

“But your real voice has always been so lovely. Everyone loves talking to you. What are they going to think now?” she says, visibly fighting back tears all the while. Her voice breaks on the last word.

Shona growls.

Mom gasps, aghast as always… but all she does about it is sigh and shake her head. “What about what think? This is… it doesn’t sound healthy, Shona. You know I wouldn’t fret like this if things were really okay, but is this really how you want things to be for the rest of your life? Is that how you want to sound on your wedding day?”

Shona lets out another dry, crackling laugh.

“FINE! You’re right! I’m sorry, Shona! I’m sorry that the I’ve done is hurt you!” Mom wails. She collapses forward, thumping a fist limply into Shona’s arm. Shona takes a frantic step back, pushing her away. It’s the least, gentlest thing she can possibly do.

“I’m sorry I’m not to see my sweet little girl dragged out of the life we worked so hard to build and sent off to fight monsters! I’m sorry I’m not CELEBRATING when you come home hurt! I’m sorry you don’t have a GOOD mother who’d wave goodbye with a smile and save a nice spot on the mantle for your ashes!”

That snarling, tear-streaked face used to tower over Shona. That voice used to fill her nightmares. It has again, since Seryana, only now she sees it scarred, broken, burning. That perfect mask Mom wears until someone pushes her just a little too hard, reduced to piles of lightning-charred flesh over and over and over…

And Shona… laughs. She throws back her head and laughs and laughs and laughs.

Mom stares silently up at her. Her face is twisted, but not in the same old sneering, shameful way. She looks more like she’s backing away from an armed intruder. You… do you that? I-is that all you need me for now?” she sputters.

Shona says.

“What?” Mom repeats.

Shona steps away, grinning like an idiot, and heads for the door.

“No you don’t! You’re staying right here until we-” Mom’s hand clamps around her wrist and tugs.

The words reverberate pleasantly through the room — not shouted, only amplified, not some burst of force to shove her away. But they do their job. Mom’s grip loosens. Stumbling footsteps back along the tile floor.

Shona doesn’t bother looking back.

She smashes the door violently into its frame on her way out, wipes her eyes, then turns and bolts to the road. Mide, waiting on a bench in the front yard, rushes to join her.

“Shona, hey, are you…” she starts to ask. Her face falls as soon as their eyes meet. “Oh, no. What’d she do this time?”

She chokes on the last words.

Mide is silent. Her eyes widen, then quickly narrow as she glances around Shona. Her fists clench at her sides… until she sighs, loosens up, and wraps Shona in a gentle hug.

“Hey. Fuck her,” Mide says, quietly but hard-edged. “With… with a pommel or something horrible, whatever’d make you happiest.”

Shona yells.

Mide flinches at the sudden burst of noise in her ear, but only a little. She nods and squeezes a little tighter. “Alright. You’ve got places, okay? Places and people. You don’t need to go back there.”

“Sure. Yeah. We can figure that out, and you’re still welcome for as long as it takes. Seriously, sometimes I think my parents just want to adopt you.”

Shona sniffles.

Mide tenses up.

“I… don’t know if we should right now.”

“Enne? Hey, do you think that’s okay?”

Almost instantly, a fluffy pink cloud-seal dives up from beneath the driveway as if it were the surface of the ocean, does an awkward little wiggle-twirl in midair, and plops into the grass on his stomach.

Shona mumbles.

The Messenger silently thumps a flipper-paw to his chest in emphasis.

Mide folds her arms, smiling wearily. “Where’d the dad joke come from? Do you guys even a dad?” she asks.

He shakes himself out and balances on his stubby tail, proudly puffing up his fur.

Shona answers.

“Shona’s spontaneous Emergence thing,” Mide says at the same time. “Is it safe for her to get back to Keeper stuff yet?”

Enne hop-scoots up to Shona, bonking his nose into her foot.

Shona meets his bright, beady eyes with a sideways smile.

Enne nods eagerly.

“So, is there like, a test? Something she can do or you can do to see if she’s back where she needs to be yet?”

He flops to the ground, doing a few little rolls back and forth with a flipper pressed to the chin he doesn’t have.

With a shrug, Shona scoops Enne up and doesn’t so much lift him as wave him upward. It feels more like directing a puff of warm air than holding an animal. It takes a bit, but soon he’s settled on top of her. He crawls through her hair and down her back, poking and mouthing her at random, making little noises like a kitten excited for dinner between ethereal, tickly touches, then squirms around her side and into her arms, spreading his flippers wide as if asking for a hug.

He giggles, nuzzling into her.

Shona snorts out a low, gritty, involuntary laugh.

Enne moves to give himself a round of applause, but his tiny flippers don’t quite reach each other.

Mide shoots them both an uncertain look. “So, uh…”

Enne admits with a sheepish scratch of his cheek.

Shona grins.

Enne wriggles in mock protest.

“Well. Alright, then,” Mide says with a shrug, smiling at the little guy despite herself. “If he’s sure, and you think that’s what’ll help most… you know I have your back, Shona.”

Shona says, as gently as she can.

Enne cheers. He hops out of Shona’s arms, waves once more in midair, then pops out of being before he hits the ground.

Shona says, throwing an arm around Mide’s shoulder.

“Sure. When you pick it usually turns out like the bathroom ghost incident or something, anyway.” Mide pulls her phone from a skirt pocket and starts tapping away.

Shona throws a playful kick at Mide’s leg. Without looking up, Mide easily parries with the sole of her shoe.

“Okay, let’s see… oh. Whoa.”

Shona cranes down to peek at Mide’s screen.

“I didn’t even make it to Flow. There’s a Lighthouse alert. Someone on the west edge of town found, uh, ‘a hole in the planet filled with crawling, limbless things.’ That’s what it says.”

“Doesn’t say. Just some guy. They found him screaming about it not too far from the place it’s supposed to be.”

“Seriously. So, that sound alright?”

Shona pounds a fist into an open palm.

So off they go, leaving Shona’s once-home behind. Good riddance. Before too long, they put the map away, instead simply following the tuneless alien song pricking at Shona’s ears in the distance.