Endless Debt.

Chapter 785 Entering the Same River

Chapter 785 Entering the Same River

There is nothing more painful to a person with a memory disorder than to appear to others as their old friend, while to yourself they are a bunch of overly warm strangers.

What a pain...

In fact, it’s not that strange. Church remembers the names of these people, and also remembers all kinds of experiences with them, but after the memory is confused, it is inevitable that there will be a sense of alienation, which fills each other.

"You can feel a sense of distance from other people, but don't worry, they are very good people."

On a certain page of the diary, the past self wrote such a sentence and left it to the future self.

Church tried to follow this sentence, but there was a gap between the imagination and the reality after all...Maybe it had nothing to do with the gap, but his friends, there seemed to be some problems.

Just like now.

"Valentin told me who should leave ~ his most cherished emotional memories ~"

There are songs on the radio, and in the diaries and memories, my best friend, Palmer Clarks, is driving a car while howling to the melody on the radio.

When the car stopped at a red light, he would turn his head and look at himself with excitement.

"Valentine! Valentine!"

The broken memory described what kind of guy Palmer was, and the diary made Palmer clear again. Until Church saw Palmer with his own eyes, all kinds of information were completely pieced together and became a complete picture. of pictures.

Church feels that he is adapting and transitioning, just like a change of version, he is trying to change back to the familiar appearance of his friends.

"Chu Qiyi is also a lucky one!"

Palmer slammed on the accelerator and sprinted out a second before the green light came on.

"The doctors said that you probably won't be able to wake up, and you may become a dementia when you wake up. Now look, aren't you healthy?"

"Is that so?" Church was slightly troubled. When he was discharged from the hospital, the doctor didn't say anything to him at all, "But I think I do lose a lot of memory."

"For example?" Palmer asked again, "I know you have a diary, have you checked with the records in the diary? Maybe this can find out what you forgot."

Diaries are extremely important to Church.

"I tried it," Church said, "and a lot of unimportant memories were consumed, with little effect."

After chatting with Palmer, some strange feelings emerged from the bottom of his heart, and the strangeness gradually subsided. Church was a little dazed, but also a little happy, which made him feel satisfied for a while.

"Is there anything important about that?"

Burlogo, who was on the co-pilot, said that he met Church's eyes through the rearview mirror.

Borogo Lazarus, unlike Palmer, who was a changeable guy, was still as indifferent and reliable as he described in his memory and diary.

"part of it……"

Church paused, and then continued, "You also know that people don't remember what they have forgotten, let alone what they missed... These are all inexplicable things."

"I can understand."

Palmer said, talking about his past, "When I was a child in Fengyuan Heights, besides Woxilin, I actually had quite a few good friends, but due to various reasons, when I grew up, everyone disappeared. connect.

When I returned to Fengyuan Heights last time, I met several of them. To be honest, that feeling was too subtle. "

Palmer's tone was unexpectedly joyful, "I remember the time I spent with them, every minute and every second was filled with joy, even the air was like mead, according to normal development, we should be A lifelong friend, the inseparable kind.

But the emotional connection of human beings may be really so fragile. Time and space have blocked everything. When I saw them, I still remembered the good time and even yearned for them. I can see them, but I can’t remember them. excitement, as if they were strangers. "

"You miss the time, not the people," Burlogo said.

"No...it's not like that, Bologo, I just think that the emotional connection of human beings is actually quite fragile. I just feel that time and space have worn away my emotions, so when I see them, I don't feel the slightest bit in my heart. touch."

Palmer continued, "I thought Church would be the same, but it looks like he's not as bad as me."

"Then you are a heartless fellow," said Burlogo, "and there is no trace of sadness in your words."

"Of course there is no sadness, I have said it all, the emotions are worn away, just like facing strangers, so what else can I have sadness... Maybe a little bit, it is pessimistic about the wear and tear of emotions, but it's all like this , it doesn't matter."

"I guess, or maybe it's because I was just a child, and a child's mind, that's all," Palmer went on, "and besides, why am I sad? I have a fiancée, and I'm half a man There's a winner."

Palmer said and winked at the two of them with an arrogant look.

Bologo didn't bother to talk to him, but Church didn't care at all, only thinking about something in his heart.

Church is a boring person. In his spare time, he has read many books, most of which are related to human psychology, and some of them are philosophy.

As a narrow walker and a sad person with a broken life, people like Church inevitably need some philosophical thoughts to protect themselves.

Church knew that the reason for Palmer's gradual emotional estrangement may be the gap in time and space, which gradually alienated the originally close emotional connection.Although Palmer and they had a good time together, the time and space spanning caused them to lose the common experience and life between them, which played a vital role in maintaining the emotional connection.

What about yourself?

The girl's figure flashed back in front of Church's eyes, and he indeed found part of his missing memory in the comparison of the diary, which was a memory related to the girl named Afia.

It was under her influence that Church began to grow flowers, a hobby that was completely inconsistent with his personality.

In the diary, there are many descriptions about Afia. She has a very close relationship with him, but he has not clearly described his feelings for her.

Even a fool can see this kind of thing.

I "used" to like Afia, and even raised a pot of alum root for her, and took good care of it.

At this time, a sad thing happened. I forgot about Afia. Everything in the diary proved the existence of that emotion. A complete stranger.

The emotional disqualification made Church feel a sense of entanglement and dislocation.

What made Church even more terrified was what Palmer said next.

"Where are we going?" Church realized at this moment that after he was pulled into the car by them, they didn't say where he was going at all.

"Take you to see Afia," Palmer said, "I went there a few days ago, Afia said you said a bunch of messy things and then left, scaring the little girl so much, this time I'm going to take you to her and let her know that you're not missing a limb."

"But he doesn't know me like this." Church is not wearing a mask now.

"Then put the mask on."

"I don't want to wear a mask anymore."

Palmer was silent for a while, and then said, "Yes, you can't live behind the mask forever, so start over! Have you figured out how to greet her?"

Church thought he could dispel Palmer's thoughts, but Palmer didn't care at all. He seemed determined to take himself to see Afia to fulfill the wish of "my former self".

Church didn't like this, he didn't like it very much, and the sense of dislocation in his heart became more and more intense.

He remembered the knowledge described in the book. This question involves the relationship between human memory and emotional connection, which is especially important for people with amnesia like himself.

In this case, I realized that I once had feelings for Afia, but because I forgot Afia herself, I couldn't directly feel my current feelings for her.

Church produces an abstract emotional memory similar to "I liked her in the past", but this emotion may not be as specific or real as before.

In other words, Church's feelings for Afia may be different than in the past, just like in real life, people may not always maintain a particularly deep feeling for everyone they once liked, just like Palmer's story Same, gradually faded away with the passage of time.

"Humans are really complicated."

Church suddenly began to talk to himself, his words drowned out by the singing, and Palmer shook his head from side to side like a straw.

"Valentine! Valentine!"

Palmer likes this song very much recently. Judging from the way Bologo hummed unconsciously, under the baptism of Palmer, Bologo should have listened to this song almost a hundred times... Even Bologo People like Luo Ge, under such a high-intensity baptism, also become strange.

Okay, to tease out my thoughts further, it's like this is like someone who's never had strawberry ice cream, but hears that it's delicious.The person may imagine some of the sensations from other people's descriptions, but may not necessarily experience the sensations directly.

Church is in such a predicament, and Afia is the example of strawberry ice cream.

The vague memory became clearer, and Church recognized the surrounding streets, and he knew that he was getting closer to Afia's flower shop.

Strong anxiety rose in Church's heart, and he couldn't help asking one question after another, for example, what if the "now" self doesn't like strawberry ice cream?

Thinking that after seeing Afia, he didn't feel the actual emotion towards her, Church felt a certain loss and uneasiness. He began to doubt his own feelings, thinking that his past emotion was just an illusion or illusion.

But he felt that this loss and doubt did not mean that his feelings had no value or meaning. He did describe many things related to Afia in his diary, and he even raised a pot of alum, and even said that There is a book on caring for plants.

Just as Church was caught in a storm of thoughts, the car stopped, and before they knew it, they had arrived at the flower shop. Feeling uneasy, Church pushed open the car door.

After a month of reconstruction, when the plague of decay spread, the damage to the street has been repaired a lot, and the same is true for Afia's flower shop. It looks a lot changed, but it still has familiar traces in memory.

"Business is surprisingly good," Palmer said.

A flower shop that usually doesn't have many customers, now there are many more customers. Large areas of flowers are in full bloom, and the rich fragrance of flowers rolls over. Palmer feels that he is about to suffer from pollen allergies.

"In my impression, the business here is not so good." Church said.

"It's like this. When the plague of decay swept across the city, Afia opened the door and saved many people. Although this also caused the mist to flood into the room, almost killing all the flowers, they all withered."

Palmer tells something Church doesn't know.

"After the incident, although Afia protected many people, her flower shop could not continue. Those who were protected by her raised funds to help her rebuild the flower shop. Everyone used their abilities to introduce Many types of flowers."

Palmer added, "By the way, her story was in the newspapers. After the publicity, her business exploded. In addition, the air hood over the city finally disappeared, and the sun was shining. Everyone finally had a chance Get some flowers to decorate your life."

Before the words fell, Palmer then raised his hand and shouted loudly.

"Yo! Afia!"

Palmer is a great socialite.

The busy Afia was stopped by the voice, she noticed Palmer, handed over the work at hand to others, and walked over with a smile on her face.

"Hi everybody."

What Palmer hasn't said yet is that Palmer has also contributed a lot to the rebuilding of the flower shop. After all, this matter has something to do with Church.Palmer may not have much money, but the Crakes family has deep pockets.

"You have grown a lot."

At the end of the storm, Vonn recognized Palmer with a look of relief. Since then, the Krex family's economic sanctions against Palmer for many years have finally come to an end.

Afia greeted Palmer and Burlogo, and then she noticed the slightly reserved stranger behind the two.

She said he was a stranger, but Afia saw many traces of familiarity on his body, but she couldn't tell where he was familiar with.

Afia stepped forward and extended her hand in a friendly manner.

"hello."

Church froze in place. He first looked at Afia's outstretched hand. Under the sunlight, the fingertips were pink. Then he looked at Afia's face and noticed Church's gaze. Fia gave a friendly smile.

Shocking smile.

For a moment, Church's mind went blank, and all the self-examination and philosophical thinking on the road were swept into the garbage dump. Church felt extremely ridiculous about the self-doubting self on the road.

Church thought of a question that came to his mind when he was flipping through his diary, how could an indifferent and isolated walker with a broken life like himself fall in love with another person.

Can you really fall in love with someone?

Now Church knows.

Church held Afia's hand cautiously, showing a friendly smile nervously. Just as he was about to say something, Afia suddenly moved a little closer. She looked at Church, and her wandering eyes finally locked on Church's pupils.

Afia knew where the strange sense of familiarity came from, before Church introduced herself, she said cautiously.

"I guess your name is Church Bolton, right?"

　There are still 4 chapters left, and the book is finished, and people are still outside.

(End of this chapter)